I don't pray for things. I don't. I stopped doing that around the time my daughter died. I guess it started because I was tired of hearing "no." I was tired of asking for something I felt I should have and not getting it. I guess I was tired of people telling me that everything that happened was "God's plan." I figure, no matter what I ask for (or don't ask for) isn't really important to God. He'll give me what he thinks I deserve. He'll cure me if he feels like it..if it's part of "His" plan. I don't have time to ask and wait for a result. I'll live my life the way I know in my heart I should. I still thank him for my blessings, for my trials..but I won't ask him to step in and help. He will if He wants too.Now don't get me wrong..I am not angry at God. Not really. He's a loving father who has a lot on his plate right now. I know He's watching out. I know He cares for me. I know He loves me. He's there if I need him. The truth is, I do need him..just not the way people think I should. I need him to remind me that I am never alone. I need him to take care of Katie until I see her again. I need him to watch over Macen. I need him to protect those that I love. I need him as a reminder that there is something bigger out there. I need him, I just won't bother him with wants. He knows what I want, what I need..so I'll keep my heart open, waiting.
It sounds like you pray like I pray...for the things I appreciate, for the people I have in my life, and for God to take care of those people just the way He knows they need Him.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your new blog. I look forward to reading your thoughts, your quotes, your musings...
Hey Shanna, good post. I've definitely felt that way before. The only thing that has given me pause is reading this in the Bible Dictionary:
ReplyDelete"The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings."
(http://lds.org/scriptures/bd/prayer?lang=eng)
That's something for you to think about anyway..
Also, you could check out the book "Drawing on the Powers of Heaven." (http://www.amazon.com/Drawing-Powers-Heaven-Grant-Harrison/dp/0910558000)
It really made me think about how powerful prayer and faith can be. However, it is an interesting concept that we should pray with all the faith we can muster, but then at the same time have all the humility we can muster to accept His will if it is not what we are praying for. It's hard to do both things.
I sometimes feel that way too, more in the way of thinking "His plan is already in place for me, so to pray for ________ won't be necessary if that's not what He wants for me. He is all knowing and knows what is best." I think maybe it's important to pray that we can accept his will, even though we can't see the big picture.
ReplyDeleteI see it as a very normal parent/child relationship. I know my son wants that candy in my hand. If he just looks at it, I'm not giving it to him. He has to ask me, he has to use his manners. Have you ever found yourself saying to Macen "use your words"? he he he
There is a lot I could say but I don't want to come across as preaching to you, even though it wouldn't be my intent, I guess it would be more of my testimony--why I have faith in prayer. I love you Shanna!!!